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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404210">Something to Talk About</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberhush/pseuds/novemberhush'>novemberhush</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And they both know they’re there, Basically all the feelings are there, But check it out anyway if you feel like it, But it’s also kind of getting together, Copious amounts of hand holding and temple kisses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Not named for the Jennifer Love Hewitt cover of the Bonnie Raitt song, Okay it’s from Eddie’s POV but we all know Buck is pining too, Technically it’s pre-slash, They just need to have the conversation (preferably without the rest of the station looking on), hence the title of the fic, terms of endearment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberhush/pseuds/novemberhush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck has a nightmare at the station and Eddie is there to comfort him, leading him to decide maybe it’s time to let Buck know how he really feels about him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>498</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Something to Talk About</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! I began this fic in January, working on it on and off up until this last week when I knuckled down and finished it, but found myself obsessing over every little detail. Now, though, I think it’s time to put it out there. I would like to say that I had the ‘Eddie is a baseball fan’ already in there before it was actually confirmed on the show (I guess, like me, the writers couldn’t resist working Ryan Guzman’s history with the sport in there) and I featured the autobiography of a baseball player too, but I admit I changed the details of the book after I saw that scene between Buck and Eddie in Buck’s kitchen during episode 3.12. Also, I’ve just seen a clip from episode 3.13 and I squeed when Eddie told Chim tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone because I basically have him think that exact thing in this story! (Now if only the show could canonize my thoughts about where Buck and Eddie’s relationship should go in the future.)</p><p>Major thanks and love to Jmeelee and AJenno for reading it all over for me and offering their suggestions. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys. xxx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’re roughly twenty hours into a twenty-four hour shift, a gruelling series of back to back calls having left them all longing for the comfort of a warm bed and the luxury of uninterrupted peace in which to enjoy it. Eddie knows they’re all tired, but Buck? Well, he’s the weariest of them all, having had to physically exert himself more than the others at several of the rescues today (nobody’s fault, it was just the way things had worked out that day) on top of having already been exhausted from not sleeping well the night before. The dark circles under his normally bright eyes hadn’t escaped Eddie’s notice as they’d walked into the firehouse together from the parking lot to start their shift, but when he’d asked if everything was okay Buck had shrugged off his enquiry with a hasty <em> Yeah, just didn’t sleep well is all </em>before quickly changing the subject.</p><p> </p><p>Now, though, they’re back at the 118 and none of them are much in the mood for chatter. Scattered out across the upstairs floor, Bobby sets to cooking them something to eat while Hen flips through a magazine, Chim and Eddie halfheartedly play a few hands of cards and Buck stretches out on one of the couches while they wait. None of them notice he’s slipped into a doze until Bobby declares the food ready and Eddie, seeing Buck make no move to follow the rest of them to the table, goes to check on him. </p><p> </p><p>He hesitates for a moment when he realizes he’s asleep, debating which Buck probably needs more right now, food or rest. Taking in the dark circles under his eyes once again, however, decides the matter for him. Pulling the throw from the back of the couch, Eddie drapes it over Buck, eyes raking over his friend’s supine form. </p><p> </p><p>He knows his face is doing something all kinds of fond and gooey at the sight of Buck lying here before him like this, flopped out on the couch, so open and vulnerable, asleep where he dropped. He looks so young, like the child he’s so often accused of being (even if he is maturing with every passing day, always seeking to do better, <em> be </em>better), and all Eddie wants to do is to protect him with all his might. To take him in his arms and never let go. </p><p> </p><p>He knows how many times he’s come close to losing Buck, knows how lucky he is he’s still here. Knows that tomorrow is promised to no one, not even those in less hazardous jobs than theirs. The thought of losing him is one he can’t bear. </p><p> </p><p>So he pushes it down, back, away. </p><p> </p><p>Locks it up tight in that dark place Frank is trying to get him to shine a light on. That part of himself where he hides all his worst memories and biggest fears, all his doubts and insecurities. </p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t go quietly, though, and Eddie knows that the day is coming when he’s going to have to face all of these things head on if he’s ever to free himself from the power they have over him. He can only trust that Buck will be there to have his back and help him through it when that day finally comes. (<em>He has to be there</em>, Eddie sends up a private prayer, <em> he </em> <b> <em>has</em> </b> <em> to be</em>.)</p><p> </p><p>The only other person Eddie feels this strongly about, has <em> ever </em> felt this strongly about, is his son. He loved Shannon, but it doesn’t come close to what he knows he feels for Buck. Part of him thinks he should feel guilty for that, but a bigger part of him, the part that’s been slowly and steadily making progress in therapy, that’s been opening up little by little to Frank, and Bobby, and, yes, to Buck, realizes he has nothing to feel guilty for, at least not about this. He wasn’t always there for Shannon, he knows that, but in the end she was the one to let go first. She was the one who didn’t love him enough to try. So no, this isn’t something he needs to feel guilty over, he tells himself. He mostly believes it and for him that’s progress. </p><p> </p><p>He thinks he probably <em> should </em> feel guilty, though, for ogling his best friend in his sleep like this, so he tucks the throw a little more snugly around Buck’s (strong, broad, delectable) shoulders and with one glance back over his own (okay, fine, maybe two glances) he hastens over to join the others at the table, resolutely ignoring the all too knowing looks Hen, Bobby and Chimney throw his way. Shovelling the chow into his mouth, he resists the urge to check with Bobby if he saved some for Buck. He already knows the answer and he doesn’t need to give the team any more ammunition to tease him with.</p><p> </p><p>When they’ve finished eating, the dishes all done and cleared away, Bobby looks around at their tired faces and takes pity on them, allowing them to forgo chores in favour of enjoying some rest and relaxation while they can. It’s already been a long, hard shift and it’s not over yet. There may be more calls in the next few hours and Eddie is grateful the captain seems to have figured they’ve earned a little downtime today. </p><p> </p><p>With Bobby excusing himself to his office to go do some paperwork, and Hen and Chim settling in to play some video game or other, Eddie finds himself at a loose end. </p><p> </p><p>Usually when they got time to sit around like this he would find himself next to Buck, nodding along and laughing as he listened to his stories from before Eddie joined the team, or his always sweet, creative ideas on things they could do or places they could take Christopher on their next day off together (the fact he always put so much thought into these little outings and get-togethers never failed to touch Eddie), or his sometimes amusing, but also sometimes surprisingly deep, musings on the universe, the human condition and all things philosophical. </p><p> </p><p>But today Eddie finds himself adrift without Buck’s solid presence at his side to anchor him. Finally, after sifting through and rejecting all the various magazines heaped on the coffee table and not in the mood to play games on his phone, he remembers the book in his locker. The memoir of Jim Abbott, a former baseball player.</p><p> </p><p>Buck had read it while he was in the hospital (he hadn’t specified which time, but Eddie thinks it’s safe to assume it was most likely during the lengthy stay his leg being crushed by the fire truck had required). A fact he’d revealed one night, shortly after Christopher’s accident with the skateboard, as they drank beers in his kitchen and he listened patiently to Eddie fret about his son and the extra challenges he would face in life because of his cerebral palsy and the limitations it would put on him. Buck had used the story of Abbott, a player who’d achieved success at the major league level despite being born without a right hand, to try to assuage Eddie’s worries. A few days later he had shyly presented a copy of the book to Eddie before launching into an enthusiastic rundown of ideas he’d found online to help kids like Chris work around some of their limitations. It was just one more example of the thoughtfulness that was so innately Buck. Eddie knew he shouldn’t be surprised by it. But, swept along by the tide of his friend’s exuberance and doing his best to keep up, he hadn’t been able to stop himself once again marvelling at the extraordinary kindness and consideration of the man he was lucky enough to call his best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Back to the present day, though, and a quick jog to and from the locker room to grab the book is all it takes before Eddie is back and making a show of deciding where to sit before <em> oh so casually </em> opting (to the surprise of absolutely no one) for the armchair directly opposite the couch Buck is lying on. He doesn’t miss the smirks Hen and Chim exchange at his theatrics, but once again he chooses to ignore them, settling down instead with his book and opening it to where he’d left off last, the page marked by a brightly-coloured homemade bookmark Christopher (with a little help from his Buck) had made him for Father’s Day. The small token never fails to make him smile. Today is no exception. </p><p> </p><p>It is, however, the first time he thinks about how he wouldn’t mind if maybe next Father’s Day Chris had two dads to make presents for. The thought doesn’t surprise or scare him. He doesn’t feel threatened or unnerved by it. Instead he traces his fingers lovingly over the bookmark, ducking his head to hide the smile he can’t suppress as he indulges himself in imagining the shocked but happy look on Buck’s face at Chris handing him a present on that special day reserved for fathers.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t take long for Eddie to get lost in fantasies of domestic bliss, fantasies not all that far removed from what he already has with Buck, but taken that one step further. He gets so lost that he doesn’t immediately notice how restless Buck has become. He filters back to awareness when his ears finally pick up on the series of harsh breaths coming from the clearly anguished figure on the couch opposite. </p><p> </p><p>Buck is panting, the occasional soft refrain of “No, no, no” escaping his lips, head thrashing left and right as if desperately searching for something. His feet fight against the blanket Eddie had laid over him, as if treading water; his hands curl around the top edge of the throw, knuckles white as he clutches it to him. Eddie is already out of his seat moving towards him when Buck bolts upright, eyes springing open, wide, terrified but seemingly unseeing, at least of the room around him, as one word is ripped from his throat. </p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>CHRISTOPHER!!</em></b>”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie feels something crack in his chest. It feels suspiciously like his heart. But he’ll deal with that later. Right now Buck is the one who needs put back together. </p><p> </p><p>Eddie doesn’t even stop to think about what he’s doing before he untangles Buck from the blanket and manoeuvres him into a position that lets Eddie join him on the couch and wrap him in his arms. Buck goes willingly, still dazed and sobbing, still not entirely aware of his surroundings. Eddie arranges them so Buck’s head is on Eddie’s shoulder, his face turned into Eddie’s neck. He gently cradles the back of Buck’s head with one hand as the other glides up and down Buck’s arm. His body is wracked with tremors and Eddie pulls him impossibly closer, willing him to stop shaking, to come back to himself, come back to <em>Eddie</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He murmurs words he hopes are soothing, calming, himself now every bit as unaware of the room around them as Buck is. Buck is his sole focus, his sole concern. Slowly he feels the tremors start to subside before they eventually stop altogether. He knows the instant Buck comes back to himself, feels him tense in his arms. Still he continues to utter words of reassurance, comfort, <em> love</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all right, Buck, everything’s all right. You’re safe now. Christopher’s safe. You saved him, babe. You saved him. Everything’s all right.”</p><p> </p><p>The ‘babe’ had just slipped out, but Eddie can’t bring himself to wish it back.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie?” Buck whispers. </p><p> </p><p>Eddie has never heard him sound so small. That crack in his chest widens.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Buck, it’s me. I got you. Everything’s all right now. I got you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ed… Eddie, I lost him! I lost Chris and I couldn’t get him back!”</p><p> </p><p>“But we <em> did </em> get him back. You saved him, Buck. You <em> saved </em>him.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck’s hand curls into Eddie’s shirt, just over his heart, and Eddie instinctively moves his own hand that’s been stroking Buck’s arm to cover it, his thumb immediately starting to rub back and forth over the back of it. His other hand still cups the back of Buck’s head. Of their own accord his lips find their way to Buck’s temple and press a kiss there. He’s close enough to both feel and hear the stutter in Buck’s breathing as he registers the action. </p><p> </p><p>He catches movement then out of the corner of his eye that reminds him they’re not alone. Sparing a quick glance up he sees Hen and Chim hovering close by. Bobby has also appeared from his office, alerted by Buck’s scream of Christopher’s name maybe, or possibly called by Hen or Chim or someone else close by. All three of them look stricken at seeing Buck like this and Eddie is once again reminded how much Buck means to so many people, how he endears himself so easily to everyone he meets. </p><p> </p><p>He knows how this must look to them. The way he holds Buck, the term of endearment that had fallen so easily from his lips, the kiss to the temple. And he knows the Eddie of old, the Eddie before the 118, the Eddie before <em>Buck</em>, would be embarrassed by such a public display of private feelings. But he’s not that Eddie anymore and these people are his family, and even if they weren’t he’s way beyond caring anymore who knows how he feels about Buck. Buck needs him and Eddie’s going to be there for him in any way he can, even if that means stepping outside his comfort zone.</p><p> </p><p>Bobby must see something in his face because he gives Eddie a small, reassuring smile and a decisive nod before turning to the others and ushering them downstairs with a whispered “Come on, Eddie’s got him.” They follow their captain’s lead, as always, all still obviously concerned about Buck, but trusting that Eddie does indeed have him.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck? You okay?” Eddie asks softly, turning his attention back to Buck. A jerky nod assures him Buck is and Eddie can’t resist planting another kiss on his temple. “You wanna talk about it?” </p><p> </p><p>This time Buck shakes his head, curling in even closer to Eddie. “Not right now,” he mumbles. “Later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces, not wanting to push too hard when Buck is clearly still so raw. “But I’m holding you to that ‘later’, all right?” Buck just nods again.</p><p> </p><p>There’s silence for a beat, the only movement between them the steady rise and fall of their chests as they breath in sync and the constant back and forth of Eddie’s thumb over the back of Buck’s hand where it still clutches Eddie’s shirt. Buck breaks the silence first. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he croaks, voice still weak and hoarse. “I’m <em> so sorry</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what do you gotta be sorry for, huh? Nothing, that’s what,” Eddie replies. “Come on, what do you say, let’s see that million dollar smile and those baby blues, hmm?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck sniffles a little before hesitantly turning his face to look up at Eddie. His hair is every which way and his face is a tear-stained mess. Eyes red and puffy. Cheeks flushed and damp. Nose running like a tap. And yet, Christopher aside, he’s still the best thing Eddie has ever seen. </p><p> </p><p>With what Eddie knows is a Herculean effort Buck manages to give him a small smile. It’s a million miles away from his usual easy, open, megawatt one or his charming, contagious, irresistible grin. It breaks Eddie’s heart all over again, but it’s a start and he’ll take it. Still, he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t prefer one that didn’t require quite so much effort on Buck’s part, wouldn’t prefer one that came naturally to that face Eddie has come to love so much, rather than the forced one Buck is currently sporting and which Eddie knows has only been summoned up in an attempt to reassure him. His mind casts around desperately for a way to put a real smile on Buck’s face and can come up with only one solution. A quick glance at his watch tells him his plan should be doable.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what do you say we FaceTime Carla and get her to put Christopher on? They should be up and getting Chris ready for school by now, but I don’t think they’ll have left yet. I think we can still catch them at home. Come on, I think both of us could use a dose of our own little Superman right now, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck hesitates for a second, but Eddie can tell he wants to say yes, unable to turn down any chance to interact with Christopher. That thought alone, that someone else other than him is always so eager to see his son, warms his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“O...okay,” Buck says quietly, nodding his head, before taking a deep breath and slowly pulling away from Eddie to sit upright. “But give me a minute. I don’t want him seeing me like this,” he adds, swiping at the residue of tears on his face. </p><p> </p><p>Eddie reaches for the box of tissues they keep on the coffee table. Grabbing a few, he gently eases Buck’s hands, which are still rubbing, almost angrily, at his face down into his lap. With a hand they’re both going to pretend not to notice is shaking more in this moment than it ever has in any war zone or rescue situation, he tenderly wipes away all traces of tears from Buck’s face before handing him a clean tissue so he can give his nose a good blow. That done, the used tissues are crumpled up and tossed in a nearby waste paper bin and Eddie’s hands are in Buck’s hair, finger brushing it back into some semblance of order. Eddie wonders briefly if this is crossing the line, but then he figures he and Buck crossed the line so far back they can’t even see it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Buck snorts suddenly, the noise breaking the silence that has fallen around them once again and making Eddie startle a little.</p><p> </p><p>He gives Buck a confused look, eyebrows raising in wordless enquiry as to what is so funny. Buck just shrugs and says, “I was just thinking I hope you don’t do that mom thing of licking your hand and then using your saliva to slick down my hair.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie makes a face, nose scrunching up. “That’s disgusting, Buck!”</p><p> </p><p>“I know! That’s why I said I was hoping you <em> weren’t </em> gonna do that!” Buck responds indignantly.</p><p> </p><p>They both smile then and Eddie shakes his head with a huff of laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“Idiot,” he mutters, but they both hear how fond it comes out. It’s a relief to him to see a genuine smile on Buck’s face again, but he knows the one he’ll see when Buck sees Chris will leave this one in the dust.</p><p> </p><p>“There, that’s better,” he says, giving Buck’s hair one more (spit-free) comb through. Reluctantly pulling his hand away from the soft locks he looks Buck in the eye and asks, “You ready?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck takes a deep, fortifying breath and nods. His eyes are still a little red, but Eddie hopes it won’t be noticeable over the phone screen.</p><p> </p><p>Snagging his phone off the coffee table, Eddie unlocks it and hits the contact number for Carla with one hand while the other closes tightly around Buck’s, intertwining their fingers. They slot together so easily, as if they’ve done this a thousand times before. It’s a grounding touch for both of them, Eddie knows. A reminder that Eddie always has Buck’s back and knows Buck has his in return. </p><p> </p><p>On impulse he leans over and presses one more kiss to Buck’s temple right before the call connects. The smile the action brings to Buck’s face takes Eddie’s breath away. He’d have gladly sat there and stared at it all day if Carla’s voice hadn’t snapped him out of his daze.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie? Is everything okay, sugar?”</p><p> </p><p>“Carla! Hey! Yeah, everything’s fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to worry you. Look, I don’t wanna hold you guys up, but could you put Christopher on for a minute? There’s someone here who’d really like to speak to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure thing,” Carla replies and Eddie hears her calling Chris to the phone. He can’t be too far away because it’s only a few short seconds later that his bright, smiling face appears on the screen.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad!”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie lets out a breath he feels like he’s been holding in ever since he last saw Christopher when he kissed him goodbye and headed off to work yesterday. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Carla to look after Chris, but there’s something in him that only settles when he sees his son’s face, when he can see for himself that he's okay, that everything is right with his world, even if it is only over a call like this. If the way Buck exhales and very obviously relaxes next to him, some of the lingering tension in his body visibly seeping out of him, is anything to go by Eddie thinks maybe it’s the same for him, and isn’t that something to think about.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy! How’s it goin’? You got all your homework done for school today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yessssssss, Dad,” Chris sighs exaggeratedly, drawing out the ‘yes’ with a pout of his lips and a roll of his eyes that draws a chuckle from Buck and gives Eddie nightmare visions of what his teenage years might be like. </p><p> </p><p>Deciding to skip the lecture on not rolling his eyes at his father that he knows his own father would have dispensed, Eddie settles for elbowing a still chuckling Buck in the ribs and throws him a ‘don’t encourage him’glare. Buck just smirks back at him. Eddie can’t keep the fierce look on his face when Buck is looking at him like that, so fond and teasing. Eddie has always hated being teased, being made fun of, but when Buck does it it’s different. But then everything’s different with Buck. </p><p> </p><p>Before Eddie can start overthinking about why that is he is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of Chris calling him.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad? Dad! DAD!! … Carla, I don’t think he can hear me anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie focuses back on the screen and sees Christopher looking away, somewhere to his left, presumably at Carla who is beside him, holding the phone for Chris.</p><p> </p><p>“No, hey, Chris! I’m still here. I can still hear you,” he rushes to assure his son.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad, Carla says we have to leave soon or we’ll be late!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, I hear ya, buddy. It’s just I have someone here who really wanted to see you so I thought I’d call you so we could both say hello.”</p><p> </p><p>Chris immediately sits up straighter, his whole face lighting up, the excitement rolling off him, plain for all to see.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck! Is it Buck? Please say it’s Buck, Dad!”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie laughs. “Wow, I’m so relieved it wasn’t Chim, Hen or Bobby sitting here with me waiting to say hi. I’m not sure how they’d feel at being so obviously overlooked in favour of Buck,” he jokes.</p><p> </p><p>Chris pauses for a moment, considering, before he shrugs. “They know I love them, but everyone knows I love Buck the most. Just like you.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie freezes, all the breath seemingly having left his body. By the way Buck noticeably stills next to him he figures Christopher’s words have knocked him for six too. When he finally manages to turn his head to look at his best friend the expression on Buck’s face is one Eddie can only describe as ‘awestruck’. But Buck is still the first to find the wherewithal to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>He leans in close to Eddie so their faces are practically touching (and that’s not <em>at</em> <em>all</em> distracting, thank you very much) and waves at the screen with his free hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy!” he says, beaming widely. “How you doin’ this fine morning?”</p><p> </p><p>“Buck!” Chris is bouncing up and down with glee at the sight of his favourite partner in crime. “I’m okay! Carla’s taking me to school today! It’s art class later and I’m gonna get to work on the col… the col… the collage I was telling you about on Saturday!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah? That’s great, buddy! I can’t wait to see it!”</p><p> </p><p>Christopher nods enthusiastically. “You’re gonna… gonna put it on your fridge, right? Along with the painting of the dinosaurs I made you last week?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! It’s gonna have pride of place, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Christopher smiles again, albeit a little shyly this time, and ducks his head, clearly thrilled that Buck would be proud enough of his work to display it so prominently in his home, but bashful at the same time. Eddie knows he’s biased, but he can’t help being endeared by the sight. One look at Buck’s eyes, love shining from them clear as day, tells Eddie he feels the same way. The need to have both his boys together in one place, a need that’s been steadily growing day by day, and which Eddie has been getting more and more powerless to resist, makes itself known again and Eddie, on a whim (and since when did he start acting on those?), puts forward a suggestion he hopes Buck won’t mind not having been consulted about beforehand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Chris, what would you say to Buck having a sleepover at our place tonight? We’ll be getting off shift soon. We could go home, grab some sleep and then when Carla picks you up from school later we could all have dinner together and then maybe watch a movie if you don’t have too much homework. What do you say? Do you think we could persuade Buck to join us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! Please will you come over, Buck? Please, please, please!” Christopher pleads, once again bouncing up and down on the couch in Eddie’s living room.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie can’t help the grin that spreads across his face at his son’s antics. One look at Buck and he knows what his answer will be. The man is putty in Christopher’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I’ll come over, Chris. I’d love to have a sleepover with you guys.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Chris fist pumps the air, causing both Eddie and Buck to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“But if you have any math homework you’re gonna have to ask your dad to help you with it because math is really not my strong suit, okay?” Buck adds, still grinning from ear to ear, the effects of his nightmare from earlier seemingly forgotten. Eddie knows enough about trauma to know it’s unlikely to stay that way forever, at least not without talking about it, but now he knows there’s a problem he can be there to help Buck work through it, just as Buck has been there for him. </p><p> </p><p>Because having each other’s back doesn’t just mean when they’re running into a burning building together or dealing with a pile-up on the freeway or talking someone with a gun down from a ledge. It doesn’t just mean being there through life-threatening injuries, like being crushed by a fire truck, or the loss of a loved one, like an estranged wife and the mother of your child. It means being there for the aftermath of all those things too. Being there for the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, hell, the <em> years</em>, it takes to heal from all those things and more. Eddie intends being around for all those times.</p><p> </p><p>But he wants to be around for the good times, too. </p><p> </p><p>Times like barbecues at Cap and Athena’s. Poker nights with Maddie and Chim. Playdates with Hen, Karen, Denny and Nia. Pool and karaoke with the whole team at their favourite bar. </p><p> </p><p>Times like taking Christopher to the park or the zoo or the aquarium together. Sunday lunches at his grandmother’s house where Buck is sure to charm her and she’s sure to say they’re all too skinny and send them home with full bellies and enough leftovers to feed a small army. Trips back to Texas so Buck can get to know the rest of the family. Birthdays, Christmases, weddings and graduations. All the big, important milestone events.</p><p> </p><p>And times like tonight, when it’s just the three of them, Buck, Christopher and Eddie, hanging out together at home. Helping Chris with his homework. Having dinner and doing the dishes. Talking about their day. Watching a movie or playing video games. Wrangling a wriggling, giggling Chris into the tub come bath time. Reading bedtime stories together and doing the voices. Kissing Christopher goodnight. All the normal, everyday stuff families do. </p><p> </p><p>Eddie wants that. He wants it <em>so</em> bad.</p><p> </p><p>Lost in thought again (that’s been happening to him quite a lot today, he realizes), he only vaguely registers that Buck and Christopher have continued chatting merrily away to each other, but a rather loud rumbling sound from Buck’s direction brings him back to the present moment. Buck looks down at his grumbling stomach, a scandalized look on his face, like he’s shocked at this betrayal from his own body. Eddie can’t help snorting.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Chris, I think we’re gonna have to go now, bud. I think Buck needs to go eat something.” Eddie leans in a little closer to the screen, like he wants to tell Chris a secret. “Buck’s stomach just growled like there was an angry bear in there trying to get out,” he stage whispers.</p><p> </p><p>Christopher starts rocking back and forth on the couch, hands coming up to cover his mouth, but doing little to muffle the giggles escaping him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! What’s so funny, you two?? I'm wasting away to nothing here!” Buck splutters, pretending to be offended by the wisecracking and the giggling, but the smile plastered all over his face gives him away. Chris just giggles all the more. It’s a sound Eddie will never get enough of.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, say your goodbyes and we’ll go feed the bear and let Chris get to school,” says Eddie. “Cap cooked for us while you were asleep and he left you a plate, Buck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Buck pumps the air in repetition of Chris’ earlier gesture. “That man is a saint!” </p><p> </p><p>“He must be, to put up with you,” Eddie teases, earning himself his very own scandalized look of betrayal.</p><p> </p><p>“You wound me, Edmundo!” he declares, clutching his chest dramatically. “You <em> wound </em> me!”</p><p> </p><p>Chris giggles again, Buck endlessly delighting to him, but then they hear Carla’s voice urging them to wind things up. A quick glance at the time tells Eddie she’s right. They need to let them go or Chris really will be late for school. They’re cutting it fine as it is.</p><p> </p><p>Goodbyes are exchanged, kisses are blown, promises for Buck to come over tonight are reiterated and then the call is ended. Silence falls between them again, only a few muted noises drifting up from downstairs disturbing the peace, but it’s not awkward or oppressive. It does feel a little charged, though. Like maybe they both want to say something, but are waiting to see who’ll go first. Eddie finally bites the bullet and starts talking, only to be interrupted mid-sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry for just springing the sleepove-“</p><p> </p><p>“So, you kissed me and called me ‘babe’ earlier. That actually happened, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie sighs internally. He should have known Buck wouldn’t let it slip by unremarked upon. Well, he’d told himself he was done hiding how he felt about Buck from everyone. He guesses ‘everyone’ includes Buck himself.</p><p> </p><p>Taking a deep breath, he sits up straight, squaring his shoulders, steeling himself for a possible rejection, but determined to be honest, to stop hiding from the best friend he’s ever had, the best man he’s ever known, the only man he’s ever loved like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he says, turning to face Buck, to look him right in the eye. “Yeah, it did. Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck just looks at him for a moment, a moment that feels like an eternity to Eddie, before shaking his head and laughing softly. “And everyone thinks <em> I’m </em>the dense one,” he teases, rolling his eyes and grinning. Eddie’s heart is in his throat. </p><p> </p><p>And then Buck is looking at him with those eyes of his (those blue, blue eyes with the ridiculously long, pretty, <em> fluttering </em>eyelashes that have kept Eddie awake more nights than he cares to admit) and the softest smile Eddie has ever seen and Eddie feels like he can breathe again. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>, it’s okay, Eddie,” he says, barely above a whisper, squeezing Eddie’s hand as he speaks. “<em>Of</em><em> course </em>it’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie can’t help but grin back before opening his mouth to say he doesn’t even know what, but a noise to his right distracts him. Buck must hear it too, his head turning in sync with Eddie’s to locate the source of it. They both laugh as they turn just in time to see Chimney’s head duck back down the stairs like he wasn’t just peeking at them to see if it was okay to come back into the lounge area.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie turns back to Buck. “Maybe, ah… maybe we should talk about this later. In private.” </p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s not backtracking on the whole not caring who knows how he feels about Buck thing, but he’s still reserved enough that he’d like to actually tell <em> Buck </em> how he feels first, and hear how Buck feels in return, and discuss what that might mean for the future direction of their relationship, without an audience present. Even if that audience does consist of some of their closest friends, people they’ve chosen to call family.</p><p> </p><p>Buck nods, just once.</p><p> </p><p>“Good,” Eddie says, slapping his own knee decisively and preparing to stand up. “Now that’s sorted we should go and heat up that plate Bobby left for you. Can’t have you fading away on us. Christopher would never forgive me. Plus, I’m pretty sure Chim has set up camp on the stairs and he’s likely to cause an accident if we don’t let him back up here soon. Come on,” he nods towards the kitchen and dining area, “let’s go get you fed.” He starts to stand, making to pull Buck up after him, but Buck tugs him back down on the couch by the hand he still holds.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie frowns when he catches the hesitant look on Buck’s face. “Buck? What is it? What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck shakes his head, looking away, glancing down at his feet before looking up at Eddie again. “It’s nothing, it’s just… there actually <em> is </em> something to talk about later, right? I mean, <em> really </em>something.”</p><p> </p><p>Understanding washes over Eddie. Of course Buck, who seems so brash and full of confidence on the surface but who underneath it all is heartbreakingly unaware of his own worth, is questioning everything. Doubting that anyone could truly want him for anything more meaningful than a one-off hook-up, or a casual fling, or as a crutch to help them through the rough times until they find their feet again and discard him.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie lets everything he’s feeling but usually hides behind a stoic countenance write itself large across his face. All defences lowered, his face open, earnest and he’s pretty sure downright <em>adoring</em>, he lays it all out there for Buck to see. He <em> needs </em>Buck to see how much he means to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, babe, there’s really something to talk about,” he says, smiling softly, his face doing that fond, gooey thing again he’s sure, but he can’t regret it when he sees the moment it clicks with Buck that he’s serious, that he means it.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that’s, uh… that’s good,” Buck stammers, returning Eddie’s smile with that soft one of his own that’s quickly becoming Eddie’s favourite. Rising to his feet then himself and pulling Eddie up after him, Buck, his hand still in Eddie’s, leads them over to the kitchen area.</p><p> </p><p>Before Eddie can let go of Buck’s hand to go warm up his food and inform the others it’s okay for them to venture upstairs again, though, Buck gives Eddie’s hand another gentle squeeze to get his attention. Eddie looks up at him, sees a flicker of mischief in those blue eyes and a playful smile tugging at those far too kissable lips. “Yeah, that’s… that’s really good… <em> babe</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>And, oh, the way he says that one word. Breathes it, really. Soft and sweet, with just a hint of spice. A tease and a promise all in one. If Eddie hadn’t already known he was completely gone for this man, he would’ve realized it right in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, they <em> definitely </em> have something to talk about later. </p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. If you’d like to share your thoughts on the story please feel free to do so, either here in the comments section or over on tumblr where I’m also known as novemberhush. Bye for now. :-)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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